Friday, 7 February 2014

Rise of the Morons (Part II)

The scariest thing about morons, is that they don’t realise they’re morons. Often, they think you’re the moron.*

At work we often have progress meetings in front of huge whiteboards listing what needs to be done, and who needs to do it. A few weeks ago, me and my friend and colleague, Roy, both well over six feet tall, arrived five minutes early to one such meeting. Now bear in mind that this was in a large space, with lots of room…and no one else had arrived yet.

It was only after a few more people had shuffled over and the meeting had commenced that we heard a small voice, from a small person, behind us. I’m going to call the person emitting the voice, “Maureen”**:

Maureen: Come on tall people move to the back [this was said without a hint of humour]

Me: Oh sorry Maureen [I move to the back, to allow Maureen to move forward]

Me: Wait…we were stood here for five minutes before you arrived.

Maureen: Yes.

Me: And you chose to come over and stand directly behind the two tallest people here, where you couldn’t see, when there’s lots of room to the right and left?

Maureen: Yes.

Me: Moron.

*And yes, I’m massively aware that in a) pointing out that morons think this way, and b) stating I’m not a moron, I could quite easily be a moron and not know it…
** In the interests of anonymity…because I’ve learnt from experience that morons don’t appreciate being told they’re morons. Besides, “Maureen” sounds a bit like “moron”.


  1. So in reality, the bit after "Oh sorry Maureen" was all said in your head right? Or did you actually say that?

  2. No, I actually said it! She's a moron, and needs to be told! Besides, as I get grumpier with age, I can't hold it in!