Friday, 7 February 2014

Rise of the Morons (Part II)

The scariest thing about morons, is that they don’t realise they’re morons. Often, they think you’re the moron.*

At work we often have progress meetings in front of huge whiteboards listing what needs to be done, and who needs to do it. A few weeks ago, me and my friend and colleague, Roy, both well over six feet tall, arrived five minutes early to one such meeting. Now bear in mind that this was in a large space, with lots of room…and no one else had arrived yet.

It was only after a few more people had shuffled over and the meeting had commenced that we heard a small voice, from a small person, behind us. I’m going to call the person emitting the voice, “Maureen”**:

Maureen: Come on tall people move to the back [this was said without a hint of humour]

Me: Oh sorry Maureen [I move to the back, to allow Maureen to move forward]

Me: Wait…we were stood here for five minutes before you arrived.

Maureen: Yes.

Me: And you chose to come over and stand directly behind the two tallest people here, where you couldn’t see, when there’s lots of room to the right and left?

Maureen: Yes.

Me: Moron.

*And yes, I’m massively aware that in a) pointing out that morons think this way, and b) stating I’m not a moron, I could quite easily be a moron and not know it…
** In the interests of anonymity…because I’ve learnt from experience that morons don’t appreciate being told they’re morons. Besides, “Maureen” sounds a bit like “moron”.

Thursday, 6 February 2014

Rise of the Morons (Part I)

Sometimes people baffle me.

Trust me, I know we can all say and do fairly stupid things from time to time – I’ll be the first to admit I’ve done it enough myself.

But recently, more and more, I’ve noticed people doing and saying things that have me shaking my head in disbelief and thinking, “How do you get yourself dressed in the morning?” or “How do you survive out there in the real world?!”

These are the people that shouldn’t be allowed to operate heavy machinery, or drive cars, because one day they’ll do something that wipes out entire communities, or you or me as we tootle along the road minding our own business.

They live among us, and they seem to be growing in number. Maybe I just attract them, or maybe you encounter them all the time too. But, as I age into more of a grumpy old man, they’re starting to piss me off more.

And so, I’ve decided I’m going to start blogging these instances of pure idiocy, partly to vent, but mostly so I can read them back for my own amusement at a later date.