Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Hee-EE...It's me...Complaining about Orange spam...

EE Customer Services
6 Camberwell Way
Tyne and Wear


Dear all,

As a very loyal Orange customer for many years, it is with great regret that I am writing to complain about the appalling service I am currently experiencing.

I am aware that your company has had an issue which has led to a large number of Magic Number reminder messages being sent to some customers. I am one of those customers and have received 40+ messages from you in the last four/five days.

How though, is it possible that on becoming aware of this issue, you haven’t been able to rectify the issue in over four days? I received my first message(s) on Friday, and it is now Tuesday. It was actually your latest Magic Number message that has prompted me to write this letter!

I have called your customer services line twice. The first time was after my fifth message on Saturday morning. The lady I spoke to (after twenty minutes on hold) on that occasion told me the issue would be sorted in 24 hours and the messages would then stop. She also gave me a couple of ‘fixes’ - both of which I carried out to no avail – including sending a “SNOOZE 14” message to a three-digit number (which I attempted a good few times!)

The second time I called was after the promised 24 hours, when the messages still hadn’t stopped. The gentleman I spoke to this time advised me it would be another 24 to 48 hours before the Magic Number messages stopped. This too hasn’t proven to be the case. This time though, I was very kindly offered a change in mobile plan which would save me £5 per month as compensation. While at first this seems very kind, I already knew that I was paying too much and was due a periodic review of my plan – and so I was most likely owed this lower rate anyway (did I mention that, so far, I’ve been a very loyal Orange customer?)

But still the messages come through. All of which makes me wonder…

Isn’t this unsolicited contact (which I do not seem to have any means of stopping) contravening spamming or harassment law? Do I have to cancel my contract with EE to stop these messages from coming through? Do you have procedures in place to prevent this from happening again? Are you offering your loyal customers any real compensation for the annoyance of being bombarded with messages (other than the contract reviews they are already due)? As a mobile operator and broadband provider is it too much to ask that you have a contact email address – so your customers don’t have to resort to writing an old school letter to avoid sitting in a queue on the phone?

I look forward to your response and to hearing what you are doing to improve things for your customers.

Yours (for now),


PS I can’t even use any of the 10+ Magic Number ‘slots’ I have available - hardly any of my friends or family are on EE or Orange any more…I’m starting to understand why…

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Climbing to the moon.

"Climbing To The Moon" by the Eels

So i wrote it all in a letter
But i don't know if it came
The nurse she likes my writing
So she keeps it just like me
So that it won't get away

I won't be denied this time
'fore i go out of my mind over matters
Got my foot on the ladder
And i'm climbing up to the moon

Got a sky that looks like heaven
Got an earth that looks like shit
And it's getting hard to tell where
What i am ends
And what they're making me begins

I won't be denied this time
'fore i go out of my mind over matters
Got my foot on the ladder
And i'm climbing up to the moon

Saturday in the yard
They'll bring you by
We'll lay down on the grass
And watch as the sky closes in

I won't be denied this time
'fore i go out of my mind over matters
Got my foot on the ladder
And i'm climbing up to the moon

Friday, 7 February 2014

Rise of the Morons (Part II)

The scariest thing about morons, is that they don’t realise they’re morons. Often, they think you’re the moron.*

At work we often have progress meetings in front of huge whiteboards listing what needs to be done, and who needs to do it. A few weeks ago, me and my friend and colleague, Roy, both well over six feet tall, arrived five minutes early to one such meeting. Now bear in mind that this was in a large space, with lots of room…and no one else had arrived yet.

It was only after a few more people had shuffled over and the meeting had commenced that we heard a small voice, from a small person, behind us. I’m going to call the person emitting the voice, “Maureen”**:

Maureen: Come on tall people move to the back [this was said without a hint of humour]

Me: Oh sorry Maureen [I move to the back, to allow Maureen to move forward]

Me: Wait…we were stood here for five minutes before you arrived.

Maureen: Yes.

Me: And you chose to come over and stand directly behind the two tallest people here, where you couldn’t see, when there’s lots of room to the right and left?

Maureen: Yes.

Me: Moron.

*And yes, I’m massively aware that in a) pointing out that morons think this way, and b) stating I’m not a moron, I could quite easily be a moron and not know it…
** In the interests of anonymity…because I’ve learnt from experience that morons don’t appreciate being told they’re morons. Besides, “Maureen” sounds a bit like “moron”.

Thursday, 6 February 2014

Rise of the Morons (Part I)

Sometimes people baffle me.

Trust me, I know we can all say and do fairly stupid things from time to time – I’ll be the first to admit I’ve done it enough myself.

But recently, more and more, I’ve noticed people doing and saying things that have me shaking my head in disbelief and thinking, “How do you get yourself dressed in the morning?” or “How do you survive out there in the real world?!”

These are the people that shouldn’t be allowed to operate heavy machinery, or drive cars, because one day they’ll do something that wipes out entire communities, or you or me as we tootle along the road minding our own business.

They live among us, and they seem to be growing in number. Maybe I just attract them, or maybe you encounter them all the time too. But, as I age into more of a grumpy old man, they’re starting to piss me off more.

And so, I’ve decided I’m going to start blogging these instances of pure idiocy, partly to vent, but mostly so I can read them back for my own amusement at a later date.